Juanita Bynum
A True “False Prophet”
Many of God’s servants started out with a sincere motive to preach the Gospel, but because of the “Love” of money, many have fallen away from their first love (Christ) and cling to money, money and more money. This is a prime example.
Juanita Bynum’s “Emergency Prayer Kits” Causes Strange Fire On The Home Shopping Network Set.
Prophetess Juanita Bynum, a popular TBN regular, was a featured seller on the Home Shopping Network Saturday. Dressed in a stunning long white gown, Ms. Bynum was captivating to watch as she peddled her $500 emergency prayer kit, complete with a Hebrew prayer shawl, a small vial of anointing oil, and gospel teaching tapes. Amazingly, in the first hour the profiteer sold more than 3,500 kits, with the charmed ease of a seasoned and shrewd used car saleswoman.
But as she began the second hour, repeatedly using the spiel “This powerful intercessory package has become mandated by God to become a primary weapon in your personal prayer arsenal! Your emergency kit contains everything you need to discover true power in prayer! ‘Buy one, or even two, now today!’ thus saith the Lord,” suddenly a stack of nearby prayer kits caught fire. Within seconds, the entire set was consumed by flames. Luckily, everyone survived the accident, although the prayer kits were all destroyed.
The cause of the fire is still unknown; fire chief Sam Storner had this to say just yesterday: “We’ve ruled out arson, faulty wiring, cigarettes, spontaneous combustion, gas, grease, etc. as triggers of this blaze, and right now we’re stumped.”
Marcus Jillian, a private investigator for Allexium Insurance, which handles HSN, thinks he has the answer: “The oil in the prayer kits fueled the strange fire, but I’m still searching for the cause of the spark.”
Renowned charismatic prophet Clem Kiment thinks God’s anger was the spark: “Our Lord has had enough of today’s superapostles merchandising the Holy Spirit. The only emergency prayer kit a believer actually needs is the Holy Ghost Himself, and He’s simply not for sale!” he wrote today on his website “The Sound of Free Freedom.”
The prophetess, however, remained undeterred by the accident. “I’m coming back next week with 10,000 more prayer kits, plus my new $5,000 Juanita Bynum fountain pens. All truly prosperous King’s kids should own and be using one or more these classy pens to write with; Bics are for those ignorant still living under the curse of poverty.”
This story is satire and was posted on the following website:
3 Responses to GOD Will Not Be Mocked - Juanita Bynum
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June 15th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
At the bottom of the post it says “Note: this is satire.” That means it’s not true but based on some truth. The truth is the prayer kits are real, selling them is “strange fire,” but there was no fire on HSN nor was JB on HSN.
The video reveals more truth than the satire. Still yet I wanted you to know that it was made up just incase someone ask you if it true or not. Love you in Christ Bro
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
who is “Renowned charismatic prophet Clem Kiment”?
June 29th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Blessings Jessie. The “Renowned charismatic prophet Clem Kiment” is a made up name in this satire.